Brutally short answers to men’s relationship problems

April 15, 2008 10:01 PM

The Rules - Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
If you see her reading this, you RUN!

I like this girl but she doesn’t like me. What do I do?

  • Nothing.

But I really like her!!!

  • Do you have a lot of money, time and dignity? If you don’t, have a big cry about it and find another girl to like.

I like this girl but she has a boyfriend. What do I do?

  • Nothing.

But she likes me too.

  • Then she’s a player. It’ll end in tears.

But I really like her!!!

  • One, can you win in a fight with the boyfriend? Two, do you care what people think about you? Three, any girl who would even make you ask these questions of yourself ain’t worth it.

This girl likes me, but I don’t like her. What do I do?

  • Nothing.

But she keeps calling me and bumping into me by “accident”!

  • Be a bastard – ignore her. She’ll thank you for it.

It’s been a while since I’ve you-know, and I’m kinda horny. Should I take advantage of her?

  • No, that would be taking “being a bastard” a little too far.

It’s hard. She keeps throwing herself at me.

  • Ah well, if you won’t be embarrassed if people find out about you two, then go for it you bastard.

Ah damn, now she won’t leave me alone!!!

  • Hmm, why do I suddenly feel like watching Michael Douglas movies. You know – “Fatal Attraction”, “Basic Instinct”, “Disclosure”?

I’ve been spending time and money on this girl, and doing errands for her but I’m not getting anywhere with her.

  • Abort, abort.


  • I’d rather spend money on a prostitute. At least I know what I’m getting and I don’t have to beg for it.

That’s not a relationship.

  • Neither is yours.

Girls like to be wooed, she’ll turn around.

  • Hah! How long has it been? A month?! If she liked you, she’d let you have her by now!

Not all girls are like that.

  • Don’t kid yourself. All girls like it just as much as we do. If she’s itching for you, you don’t even have to do anything!

What do you know? You’ve been single for 4 years.

  • True, but at least I know enough to not ask for relationship advice from a guy who’s been single for 4 years.


18 thoughts on “Brutally short answers to men’s relationship problems

  1. BigZapfer

    ABORT, ABORT — I Repeat ABORT 🙂

    I got to give women credit, at least they knew what they want and know how to get it, so messing around, or so we think anywayz 😉

  2. blur ting

    You know what? I have this book! I bought it years ago and couldn’t agree with almost all the rules inside. I was thinking to myself, “What era is she from?!”

    Then I tossed the book and all the rules out of the window. If I had followed it religiously, I would be a sad spinster!

  3. girlstar7

    I don’t get it…is the dialogue you have written meant to be you talking with the writers of The Rules? cause The Rules is written for WOMEN asking for relationship advice on MEN. Sorry, please help me, I’m a little confused!!

  4. mooiness Post author

    blur ting: yeah the book puts feminism back a few decades.

    Lupin: heheh it’s timeless because guys keep putting themselves in the same situations over and over.

    herman: glad you like!

    mf: and yet some ppl never learn.

    girlstar7: the image is just for illustrative purposes. It’s me pretending to be talking to another guy, and my responses are the indented lines.


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