My Single Man’s Mantra


September 7, 2008 1:48 PM

A single complete sprout
Nerian @ stock.xchng

Being a perennial single person, there are frequent times when I’d ask myself:

  • Why is everyone else coupled up except for me?
  • Is there something wrong with me?
  • Why do I always meet people who are not available?
  • Why do I not feel something for people who are available?

If I’m not careful, I can spiral into a deep depression as a result of all that self-doubt. That is why I have a mantra:

“I complete myself.”

To me, human love is an artificial construct. Contrary to social expectations, sappy rom-coms and commercials, I feel that it is not the key component of one’s happiness, nor is it the only way to attain happiness. Therefore, love does not complete me – I complete me.

If you accept the mantra, then when love actually comes, it is not a crutch, and it does not fill a void; it’s the wonderful thing that elevates you into an extraordinary place.

14 thoughts on “My Single Man’s Mantra

  1. blur ting

    You’re right about this. Everyone is made differently. Some people need to couple up or they can’t function properly. You’re doing fine. That’s what’s most important. If you find someone, it’ll be a bonus.

    Reply
  2. Dabido

    ‘ * Why is everyone else coupled up except for me?’

    Well, they’re all not. But when you meet new people you don’t introduce yourself by saying, ‘Hi, I’m Marcus and I’m single.’ so it is difficult to know who is and who isn’t without a heads up from someone.

    Also, your fourth statement shows that you know not everyone is coupled up. 🙂

    ‘ * Is there something wrong with me?’

    Probably not. Girls your age don’t know what they want.
    I mean, look at some of the things you hear them say on that ad for that new dating show (I think it’s on seven):

    ‘He sounds like a tech head’ (A girl who doesn’t want to be married to a rich intelligent husband?)

    ‘He looks like he’d age too fast.’ (A girl who probably complains about guys being superficial?)

    ‘He seems too nice.’ (Either she suspects he is hiding another side to himself or she just likes dating bastards).

    ‘ * Why do I always meet people who are not available?’

    Isn’t that the same as statement one? I will assume you mean they ones you’re interested in are unavailable. That might be because other guys wait in the wings quietly until the girl they want is single and nab her … and you’re still waiting.

    It is actually easier to get a GF if you already have one … but, I assume you are like me and don’t want to do the trading up thing because it is using a person.

    ‘ * Why do I not feel something for people who are available?’

    Probably because they aren’t that desirable. Or, there is a possibility that if one of them did have a BF you might find the more desirable as someone else is seeing something in them.

    Let’s face it, when I was unavailable (ie married) I had heaps of girls who liked me. In fact, there were a few around for about a year after I separated from the wife, but I couldn’t bring myself to date during that year … now I can’t get a date to save my life (not that it matters).

    Maybe you and one of your single female friends need to make a pact to pretend to be going out. I’m sure you’ll get a few admirers then, and so will she. Then, you both ‘split’ and go out with the new admirers! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Kitty

    Hear hear!! I fully agree with your ‘i complete me’ mantra. You don’t need somebody else to ‘complete’ you… in fact… you should never need someone, but want to be with someone. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Dina

    I love what you wrote here.

    I think it’s very true.

    I think even in a relationship you need to complete yourself because a partner is not always going to truly be there for you.

    They’ll complete you sometimes, but not all the time.

    In the end, you have to rely on yourself.

    Reply
  5. mooiness Post author

    blur ting: a bonus, that’s how I’ve always viewed it. 🙂

    Dabido: those were rhetorical questions, but yeah.

    Kitty: yup yup, and two complete persons make for a better couple I reckon. 🙂

    Dina: and a partner might get tired of having to complete you sometimes. So yes, even in love sometimes it’s good to be able to rely on yourself for your own happiness.

    Reply
  6. Jeff

    Dabido: Here’s my take on guys who are single and looking.I recommend that they get try some really bad bad relationships… yelling, screaming, cheating(on him), manipualtion…try getting involved with a gold digging girl, then try getting involved with a girl who is an emotional suckerfish, then a girl who is extremely immature…. try an older insecure woman who has been married 3 times! Try being the ‘other’ guy..etc etc.. there are lots of these types of girls out there…after this experience guys will know what they *don’t* want. No girl is going to walk up to them and say “Hi..I’ve got a few internal emotional issues..lets have a relationship”.. you have to work this person out on your own…after a period of time.

    Also..Don’t fall in love with these girls and certainly don’t let them con you into marrying them.

    Music to my ears: “I complete myself” I’m going to wite a book with that title.

    Reply
  7. Dabido

    Marcus- When you write rhetorical questions you’re not supposed to put a question mark on the end. I’d probably still try to answer them even if they are rhetorical anyway! 😀

    Jeff – Ah, you haven’t heard my life story. My ex wife was a gold digger, an emotional sucker fish, immature. I never date older women as I have a fear they’ll die before me (I won’t go into details). I have vowed never to be the ‘other guy’ as I hate being the guy who has to pick up the pieces after some ‘other guy’ has destroyed my relationship.

    As desperate as I sometimes sound, I do actually reject a lot of girls. Of course, I have a similar problem to Marcus, the ones I’m interested in aren’t interested in me, and the ones who are interested in me … well, lets face it, anyone desperate enough to date me just isn’t worth dating! 😀

    Luckily my guitar sometimes completes me. 🙂

    Reply
  8. girlstar7

    Totally agree with you there! Although it sounds like a cliche, ‘you can’t be happy with someone else til you are happy with yourself’ is so true. I see so many people jump into a relationship because they feel like they NEED someone…they find someone else needy and in the same boat and bingo, all the foundations for an unhealthy relationship!! The best relationships happen when both people are comfortable in themselves, and don’t need anyone…thus they actually WANT to be with that person, making it a healthy relationship.

    Reply
  9. fiona

    maybe you should hang out less often in pubs and bars. Oftentimes, the people you are gonna meet are not exactly solid boy/girl fren material…if you know what i mean? sorry to be so judgmental but let’s face it.

    do pick up a sport or join a dance class….the possibilties are endless….. good luck!!! try it! you may have better chances.

    dont forget, if all else fails, i can help you. What kind of a girl are you looking for?

    Reply
  10. mooiness Post author

    Jeff: great advice, albeit a very masochistic way of learning the hard facts of relationships. 😉

    girlstar7: yup – two complete persons is more than two half-empty ones.

    fiona: both you and Dabido missed the point of this post – I was not complaining about my single life at all.

    Reply

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