I don’t believe in persistence. Worse than spending a lot of time and energy to pursue a girl who is available, is waiting for that girl who isn’t. There are several reasons why this is generally a bad idea.
- As soon as a girl meets you, you are immediately placed on one of her two “ladders” – the friends-only ladder, and the potential-boyfriend ladder. It’s called the ladder theory. If you are on the friends-only ladder, it’s a long distance to try and jump across to the potential-boyfriend ladder. And you probably wouldn’t find out until she becomes single and you find out the hard way. Think of all that time wasted on a girl that you weren’t ever gonna get anyway!
Things may not be quite as bad if you are on the potential-boyfriend ladder and you are hanging around until she’s available. But, you still have to wait no matter what. Think of other girls who may be just as good for you but you had overlooked because you are hanging around this one girl like a chump.
- How much time are you gonna give it? You may think that you are in with a chance because of signals that you interpret, or words that she says. But nothing is concrete and she may just be stringing you along. She probably enjoys the extra attention to supplement her relationship with her boyfriend.
You may also think that you are in with a chance because it seems like her relationship is on shaky grounds. But women are a sentimental creature and are more willing to try and patch things up because of the fond memories that she has of the relationship, no matter how bleak and unhealthy it currently is. So if you are gonna be hanging around, be prepared to suffer through her mini break-ups and making up with her boyfriend, which will feel like you’d been kicked in the nuts each time that it happens.
- Ok so she’s finally available. But unless you just want to nail her for the sex, you probably think that’s it’s wise to not jump in right away. You’d think that it’s best that your relationship is not the rebound relationship. You want it to last, see? So you play it cool. But then how long do you wait again?
Meanwhile, she meets some random dude in a club who ends up being the rebound guy but it’s ok for him because at least he’s getting some sex out of it. And you’re not! Oh the agony. Turns out you should have jumped in right away anyway. Chivalry is dead, my friend.
So yeah, waiting for that girl who isn’t available right now? Bad idea. But as cynical as I am, I’m not ruling out the off chance that things may turn out ok for all parties concern. I say this because I’ve seen this work for one guy before. He was the guy who was hanging around this girl whom I had tried to ask out.
He waited for her while she was with another guy. He waited for her after the break up to give her some time, because she “wasn’t ready for a relationship yet”. He even waited around while other guys like me tried to ask her out. Gotta admire the guy’s patience, huh?
Me? I can’t do it because I don’t believe that it should be so hard. But that’s probably why I’m single and he married her. 😉