Why is she not with me?!

October 29, 2008 10:44 PM

Love and jealousy
Etherhill @ flickr

The single guy goes through this sometimes and that is, seeing the girl of his dreams (at the time) on the arms of another guy. He always assume that had he been at the right place at the right time, the girl and him would be together now. Instead, she’s with him.

Typically these things go through his head simultaneously:

  1. Envy – “Lucky bastard.”
  2. Jealousy – “She should be with me instead. What’s so good about him?”
  3. Depression – “How come I never get to meet someone like that, and who is also available?”
  4. Self-doubt – “Is there something wrong with me?”
  5. Acceptance – “You know what, he’s actually a decent guy. He deserves her. Maybe I can learn from him.”

The first four are inevitable but as it happens to you more often, you get over them pretty quickly to get to #5. Granted some guys never get to #5. Instead, once they get over their self-doubt with the help of their ego and an inflated sense of self worth, they choose to dwell on the negative items instead, especially envy and jealousy.

It gets to a point where they built up resentment and hatred towards two people who have never done anything intentionally to deserve it.

Not I. No doubt that it has taken me time and some painful experiences to reach a level of maturity and mental calmness to decide upon this but I choose to learn and accept, and to move on. It takes less energy and effort, plus it’s a better place for a person to be. Life is really too short to dwell on being miserable.

10 thoughts on “Why is she not with me?!

  1. blur ting

    These are the thoughts that go through a guy’s head? Sometimes it is just chemistry or ‘fate’. Even if you’re there at the right place and right time, you still don’t end up together. We always end up with the unlikeliest people as our partner.

  2. Kitty

    i reckon it’s easier sometimes to say “stuff it, she’s such a slut” and then come bitch to us, i promise we’ll tell you she’s stupid and have chosen you instead.
    the beauty of having girl friends 🙂

  3. louis

    Hm…depends on how long you’ve known the girl for. If you only saw her for a fleeting moment and never see her again you won’t think much of it. But if you see her everyday then it hurts much more. And take longer to reach to #5…unfortunately.

  4. mooiness Post author

    Lupin: even if not better, there will always be plenty of fishes to go around.

    blur ting: true that, everything has got to the right – fate, timing, place, chemistry.

    Kitty: heheh well, bitching to you guys is dwelling on the negative and is not what I’d do. Plus, it gets complicated if the social circles overlap. 😉

    louis: true, it gets difficult if you see her daily. But I believe we still have a choice in how we handle it – positive or negative. Who knows, if you are positive about it you may get a chance with her later on.

  5. girlstar7

    I agree with blur ting. I think you’re either meant to be with someone or you’re not. I have male friends/acquaintances that been hanging around for months/years and some of them probably think they haven’t been with me because of timing or whatever other reason. However, almost always I feel no chemistry for that guy, and it just doesn’t feel ‘right’, so I don’t go there. If I meet a guy I like, and he likes me too, it just happens naturally without having to push it…sometimes these things are just meant to be!

  6. l

    girlstar7: i know what you mean. but hypothetically would you still give the guy a chance if he approached you, even though you have no feelings for him?


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