Light weight friends and low expectations

November 9, 2008 10:59 PM

There are some people in my life whom I consider light weight friends. In the past, I had treated them better than I would acquaintances, and thus expected more of these people. But I’ve come to realise that by doing so, it makes them worse than acquaintances.

With acquaintances, you don’t expect much from them and because of that, they can’t possibly disappoint you. With friends however, you’d expect a certain level of behaviour and courtesy. So when these light weight friends inevitably fail to live up to your expectations, you feel disappointed and sometimes resentment.

These are friends who, although they are not malicious by nature, fail to deliver on their promises, who’d blow you off for something or someone else they think is more important, and who are flaky and blow hot and cold with you. Most importantly, they are not consistent.

And that’s my basic criteria for a good friend: consistency. I don’t want to have to figure out how to deal with you every time the situation changes. There are enough uncertainties in life that I don’t need more when it comes to friends. I choose to have stable friends in my circle and that I believe is good for my sanity.

So in conclusion, light weight friends, if you can still call them “friends”, should be treated no better than casual acquaintances whom you don’t expect much from. If you expect less from them, you’d get disappointed less and you’d definitely not get pissed off by their bad behaviour so much. Your time is precious, so those so-called friends who do not deserve it? Downgrade them to be hi-bye acquaintances instead. 😉

13 thoughts on “Light weight friends and low expectations

  1. Dina

    I can really relate to this post.

    I had major struggles with this friendship issue last Spring. I felt let down by people.

    Now I kind of feel I have different types of friends.

    I have a couple of good friends who are consistent and I can count on.

    The rest I like and enjoy–but I have low expectations now. I don’t depend on them.

  2. mooiness Post author

    Evie: yup, life is definitely easier without the unnecessary disappointments.

    Dina: yeah if you think about it, as long as you have your core of good friends, and you treat the rest with a “take it or leave it” attitude, you’d be right. 🙂

  3. Lina

    Dina : I had the same issue couple of months ago. As long as we have a constant friend to be with the rest of those no so called friends we can deal it with easy without expecting anything from them. Im also learning to deal with it. As long as we have a constant friends that really cares and count on, it would be good enough.

    Mooise : Certain people is just pass through our life, we cant say they are our friends, it’s just we know them. Friends are those group or person or individual that we can count on during our up and down. For your lightwieght friends, dont bother so much, jsut give and take. cheers..

  4. blur ting

    I like this classification “Lightweight friends”. We all have a fair share of such friends. I have also learned not to expect too much from them or else we’ll end up feeling disappointed.

  5. mooiness Post author

    Lupin: yeah, heavy weight would imply more substance than not.

    Lina: yup, friends who drift in and out during different stages of our lives.

    blur ting: yeah yeah, I originally thought of the phrase “kleenex friends” (use and throw) but that’s a bit too degrading. 😛

  6. mooiness Post author

    redbeanjon: if you can’t count how many times this has happened to you, then it’s probably time to reassess your friendships.

    Clara: I’m pedantic as well – can’t stand wishy-washiness. I like to know where I stand with ppl.

    astrorainfall: it’s probably soft-hearts or sentimental reasons that ppl can’t let go or move away.

  7. girlstar7

    I like the classification ‘lightweight friends’ cause we all have them and all know exactly what this term means. They are more than acquaintances but they are not the people you would turn to if there was a real crisis. They are more people you meet up with for an occasional coffee…or for me the people you always MEAN to catch up with but hardly ever do. Maybe this was your problem: these friends were always cancelling plans etc. Sometimes you outgrow friendships and it’s time to let them go. Other times, you just have to accept that the friend is a lightweight friend and may never be anything else.


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