Before I start off, I know that girls can get friendzoned too but it happens to guys more often than to girls because a lot of guys think that just being nice will get you laid. In that sense, they are not really being nice because there’s an ulterior motive to their niceness. However, let’s just assume that the boy is actually a nice person. But by being nice, more often than not you end up being treated like a friend by the girl. And girls, let’s just assume that you really didn’t know how he felt all this time.
These following words are for you when you find yourself landing in the friendzone.
Ruh-oh, you got friendzoned
How the heck did you end up there? Maybe:
- You didn’t like her at first but then your feelings for her grew into a confused mushy mess.
- You were too chicken-shit to tell her from the start and you hung around being all ambiguous, thinking that eventually she will end up liking you without you having to stick your neck out.
And now either indirectly or very obviously, you find out that you are really just a friend to her. Your immediate reaction is to hate her for not knowing how you felt all this time and for not acting in your favour accordingly. That is the wrong reaction because believe it or not, a lot of girls like being able to hang out with a guy without any sexual tension. If you were gay, then this would not be a problem but since you are not, her thinking that there was not any sexual tension when you wanted some will hurt extra bad.
You need to extricate yourself from the comfy arrangement that you were in all this time – the comfy arrangement that ultimately was not going anywhere. You don’t double-down and go for broke on the niceness and the buying of gifts and the showering of money and attention. You need to be away from her. For a while at least, until you stop having the love/hate feelings that you have for her. And while you are away, reflect on the fact that feelings are not always mutual and that is perfectly normal. And also that she doesn’t owe you a shag just for you being nice to her.
Meanwhile, learn to love yourself again first. Hur hur hur.
Ruh-oh, you friendzoned someone
Oh snap. You realise that he likes you and you didn’t know about it all this time. So awkward you can die. What to do, what to do. You should let him down gently, really you should. You’ve been friends all this time. It’s the right thing to do. And if he still doesn’t get the hint? Be brutal about it.
What you don’t do is to continue to let him be nice to you. You don’t accept his gifts and you don’t let him take you out to nice places, at least not without returning the favour. Even then, it’s best to just not. You don’t be cruel by complaining about your boyfriend or a guy that you like to him – you are basically telling him that him being nice is not good enough because you don’t find him sexually attractive. Or conversely, you’d put up with these other men because you rather be with them than with him.
You might also want to be nice by making yourself scarce and not ask him out or anything, least you lead him on even more. You might want to turn him down for things more than before so that you wean him off of you. And with time, maybe you can remain friends. Although if he cannot handle being friends, do not force the situation. Know that you cannot be friends with every guy that you meet because some guys can’t help but feel more for you and that is perfectly normal.
Also, try not to humiliate him 😉