Category Archives: Eat Drink Man Woman

Dating and relationships, the single life, men and women, sex and sexuality

“Why are you not on Tinder?”

November 6, 2016 3:33 PM

I'm single and I'm ok with that
And I’m ok with that.

I feel like I’m rehashing myself because I’ve written about this at least twice before, and very eloquently too I might add. Seriously they are really well written. Go read them. 😀

Why aren’t you asking her out?
Saying I’m single as I grow older

But ain’t nobody got time for that so Imma just gonna write about it again. I will even put in 10% more effort to make it slightly different. You are welcomed.

The impetus for this post is me being asked the question:

You are single right? Why are you not on Tinder?

This is a variation of the concern that some people in relationships have for a singleton like me, because according to them being single can’t possibly be good. The implication of the question is that I should be doing something to change that and I should use all the tools and apps available to us now in the Internet age. That I should have no excuses to be single and that I’m single because I’m not making any effort.

So why am I not on Tinder? I last dated seriously about 10 years ago. I can’t explain why I lost interest in the whole process. For a while I thought that I might be asexual but no, every time that I step outside confirms that I’m not. I’m attracted to women and I like looking at women.

And I still have a healthy sex drive. So much so that I’ve paid for sex even though it’s much better when there’s an emotional connection. The empty and unsatisfied feeling after tells me that I was not going to get it from a woman who is paid to be with me. And just to emphasise the healthy sex drive thing, I’ve paid for it more than once even though I know sex is better with a girlfriend than not. And no, the “girlfriend experience” may mimic the real thing but it is still not the real thing.

Despite the lack of physical intimacy though, I’m happy in life. I wake up every morning thinking how lucky it is to be alive and to have the people that I have in my life. I take pleasure from the simple things in life: a delicious meal that I made myself, my mother calling me to ask me about that same meal, the sun shining on my face on a cold day, my friends thinking and telling me that I’m awesome, a delicious alcoholic beverage or ten, and my memories and thoughts about having shared 15 years of my life with Snoop. And one of many things that the Internet is super great for …

A puppy sleeing on its back on a couch
Pictures of sleeping puppies! What … you thought that I was gonna say porn? Ok yeah, porn too.

Perhaps the above explain why I have not placed much priority into finding someone to date. And I’m sure this goes for others who are similar to me. We don’t need pity or concern when we choose to be single and to value our lives more than by who we are with and what other people think about our marital status. Life is fulfilling in so many other ways.

So until I’m lucky enough to stumble onto the person that I want and she wants me back …

Unlike these women, I am not too classy to watch porn. :)
“’Put the chicken in the fridge.’ This is not a sentence I had ever expected to hear from Christian, and only he can make it sound hot, really hot.”

I can take care of things myself. 😎

You read my text but you don’t reply. What’s up with that?

July 25, 2016 8:33 PM

Why are you not replying instantly?!
(source: pinterest)

There’s a reason that people text more these days than they would call. Texting allows you time to compose your response and because you don’t know if your recipient has read your message or not, you tended to cut them some slack. An immediate reply is usually not expected.

That was true until the advent of the typing bubble and the read receipt. These two things have combined to cause a lot of psychotic behaviour from otherwise sane people. Now you can see that they’ve read it and sometimes you can see that they are typing out a response but then they stop. Maddening? Yes! Logical? Nope.

Typing bubble disappears and you mad as hell

Things get complicated further when it comes to dating because some people still adhere to the stupid rule of waiting before replying or sending out that first text. So now, the artifical countdown starts as soon as the two blue ticks appear next to your message. A forlorn cry of “It’s been two days! Why haven’t they replied yet?!” morphs into an angry one of “I know they’ve read it! That bastard/bitch!”

Aziz Ansari feels all of our pain.

My thoughts about how to get out of the above neurotic behavioural cycle are as follows:

  • Don’t wait to text. Just text. A simple text after that first date is nice – “I had a great time. Hope to see you again.” As long as your texts do not outnumber theirs, you are not being too eager or desperate. You are being a decent human being making conversation and showing interest.
  • Don’t wait for the reply. If they don’t reply within a reasonable time frame (1-2 days max) then perhaps they are not that interested in making an effort and that’s ok. Move on. If they message back after a lengthy period without making plans to meet up next and the whole non-replying cycle continues, move on and this time for good.
  • Don’t play mind games. Treat them the way that you want to be treated yourself and if they don’t reciprocate that’s your sign to look elsewhere.

Feel like agonising about this somemore? Then read these:

The Dos and Don’ts of Texting Someone You Want to Date | Lifehacker

How long to wait before I reply back to her text message? – guyQ by AskMen

Dating Sucked Before Text Messages. Now It’s Even Worse. | Jezebel

*Post inspired by TCC

Why aren’t you asking her out?

February 7, 2016 9:07 PM

(source: xkcd)

I’ve wrote about this before, about having to justify being single as I grow older. And three years after I wrote that, it’s only getting worse. Society just cannot understand why one would choose singledom over being attached to someone. At times, this attitude is downright hostile.

OMG, you are 40?! Don’t be so choosy. You are not getting any younger. What’s wrong with her? Why do you want to be alone? What’s the matter with you?

The fact that my parents and family are gently nudging me constantly is a given and I am ok with that. My parents’ generation grew up at a time when it’s highly frowned upon if you are not married by 30. Their worry comes from a good place. Mom actually said to me, “I don’t want you to die alone”. It’s ok mom, I won’t die alone – they’d find my body next to a fembot. The technology will exist when I’m 70 right? :mrgreen:

I kid. Relationships exist in many forms now and the traditional man-woman monogamy thing is not necessarily the most fulfilling one out there. Yes, someone still needs to procreate to keep our species going but I don’t think that’s a problem at the moment. I would think that people of my generation and even the one after mine would not care so much about having a partner to validate their existence but I would be wrong.

I would be out in mixed company of single people and people in various stages of a relationship, and without fail there is an expectation on me as a single male to be trying to hook up with one of the single females on the night. As a Chinese person, I used to get “oh she’s Chinese too, you two should hit it off”. Now it’s “oh she’s single, you should ask her out”. Hey friend, I just wanna enjoy my alcoholic beverage(s) in this loud and noisy environment looking at the various women walking around the place. No, I don’t want to ask all of them out and yes I can enjoy looking without wanting to buy the goods.

I’m more inclined to let things happen naturally, for the conversation to flow and the laughs to be shared effortlessly. And then maybe, I might ask her out. Or I might not. Don’t worry about my state of mind – it’s perfectly fine where it is. And yes, I like sex with women but it doesn’t mean that I need to plug every available hole that walks my way. Kthxbai.

Yes I'm single and you gotta be fucking awesome to change that

Love is Love

June 28, 2015 8:56 PM

Is it love in the air or ... ?
Don’t eat bacon if you don’t want to piss off God (Leviticus 11:7)

This weekend saw the United States legalising same-sex marriage across all 50 states. This comes after Canada did it in July 2005, the UK in July 2013 (with the exception of Northern Ireland), and New Zealand shortly after that in August 2013. Ireland is also soon to do so following approval of a referendum on 22 May 2015. Not to mention a whole swathe of European countries having already done the same.

Same-sex marriage in Canada – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Same-sex marriage in the United Kingdom – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Same-sex marriage in New Zealand – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Therefore, as of right now Australia is a very noticeable anomaly amongst developed western countries, though there is starting to be some political momentum to establish marriage equality in this country too.

US Supreme Court ruling in favour of same-sex marriage could influence debate in Australia, federal politicians say – ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

So it is a question of when rather than if it will happen here so I won’t talk about that. Instead, I want to talk about why it is illogical that same-sex marriage freaks out so many straight/religious people everywhere.

Religious opposition stems from the Book of Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13. But if you adhere to one Old Testament Law, then you should adhere to others too like:

  • Not wear polyester or other fabric blends (Leviticus 19:19)
  • Not eat shellfish even though they are so delicious (Leviticus 11:10)
  • Not touch a woman who’s on her period – how would I know? Is it ok to ask? (Leviticus 15:19)

The above is perfectly illustrated by this clip from “The West Wing”.

No one is expecting you to accept same-sex couples in your place of worship, nor can you be forced to. In any case, they would probably prefer to be somewhere else more welcoming. You are not expected to understand or condone their relationships but you can at least be civil. Remember “love thy neighbour” (Mark 12:31)? Why all the hate and bigotry? Why this need to feel threatened by their love?

For the non-religious straight people, same-sex marriage does not affect your ability to do the same. Their marriage is their marriage, and your marriage is your marriage. All the talk about how same-sex marriage will destroy the sacred institution that is marriage is bogus too because straight people have been doing a pretty good job at trying to destroy it since forever, and yet it endures. The sanctity of marriage is stronger than you give it credit for.

And if it is not the sanctity of marriage that you are worried about, but because gay/lesbian sex makes you feel icky inside then stop thinking about it, you pervs.

I will end by quoting this article:

If it’s true – as Republicans insist – that marriage is good for the family and for society more generally, then how is growing the institution a bad thing? There’s nothing positive about marriage that can’t be preserved or enhanced by allowing more human beings to participate in it.

Go away, Mike Huckabee: The culture wars are over — and hate and the GOP lost –

Reasons for being single: hers and mine

June 11, 2015 9:41 PM

My love life is a blank

A female friend laid it out in the following way. When she is being wooed by a man, there are three possible outcomes.

  1. She doesn’t like the guy and if there was a friendship there to begin with, it will probably not overcome the rejection. Or the friendship will be lessened and changed irrevocably.
  2. She likes the guy initially, they embark on a relationship together and then it fails sometime later.
  3. She likes the guy and their relationship lasts for the long term.

She said, “Notice how two of the three possibilities are negative. And that is why I prefer platonic friendships sometimes because they tend to last longer.” It’s quite logical, though not wanting to ruin the friendship has never stopped me from pursuing someone. My thinking is that I have enough friends and if I lose one because I wanted to take it further, then that’s ok.

No, my reasons for being single is that I’m just lazy. I wrote about that before so I will just quote from that old post (Grass-Eating Single Man):

You see, as I started reading these daily emails and I kid you not, I started to feel tired at the thought of doing a series of dates and having to make small talk at every one of them. Yes, it just felt like too much work to me. Yes, of course if the matches are what eHarmony promises I wouldn’t be making small talk for long. And yes of course I could possibly meet an awesome girl out of the whole exercise. But then I also thought of having to go on dates and possibly not contacting some of the women I would meet ever again and err yeah … I didn’t wanna do that.

I wrote the above almost 2 years ago, and I still haven’t changed my mind about it. My emotional health is amply taken care of by the people in my life. Although I crave physical intimacy, I don’t crave it enough to bother with dating or trying to date. Yeah I might just die alone but I don’t think I will die unhappy because I really do appreciate all the simple things in life that don’t involve being with a woman and/or having sex with her.

But it doesn’t mean that I won’t cherish the experience if I’m lucky enough to stumble my way into a relationship. 🙂

She's a single and crazy lunatic

You Cannot Be Friends With Him

March 14, 2015 6:52 PM

The heterosexual dating world is unbalanced. Women will get asked out more, and men are most likely the ones who’d pay for the privilege. Not just in buying meals and drinks, but also in terms of getting rejected more. That’s only logical if we are the ones doing most of the asking out. Ideally, when a man gets rejected he accepts it and moves on. The problem occurs when the woman, for one reason or another insists on remaining friends with the man whom she has just rejected.

A common reason would be if they have been friends for a long time and she feels the friendship would be wasted. I’m here to say that once the man had romantic feelings for the woman, that friendship no longer existed. Which is to say, he doesn’t view her as a friend anymore no matter what she thinks. So for the woman to insist on remaining friends is misguided at best, and selfish at worst.

Of course, saying “I hope we can still be friends” is a nice way to reject someone and if the guy can take a hint that will be the end of it. And if the girl is classy, then it is possible to maintain a friendship. I know because I speak from experience.

However not every guy can handle that because once a guy wants to be more than just friends, he can’t go back to just being friends that easily. And you insisting on it will make things worse. Again, I can also speak from experience – when I was rejected by this girl I couldn’t wait to not be her “friend” anymore.

Every situation is unique. It will depend on the guy and what has led up to the point of him confessing his feelings for you, and you rejecting him. Some guys can’t handle being just friends and seeing you with other men because it will hurt too much, while some don’t want to subject themselves to false hope whether or not you were leading him on.

So by all means, say “I hope we can remain friends” if you can’t bring yourself to be brutal with the rejection but don’t actually insist on it. 😉

Friends by xkcd
(source: xkcd)

Well, this is awkward

September 7, 2014 4:02 PM

Well, this is awkward

As I age gracefully into my 40s, my skin has become thicker and I’m no longer mortified by situations that used to be awkward especially when they involve women. My reaction to them these days is always “fuck it” but back then, not so much. Here are some recollections that I have not painfully scrubbed from my mind … yet.

  • As boys are wont to do, we behaved strangely with girls that we like. We might tease them more and be more mean towards them than normal. I was like that with a girl until she caught me in a stairwell one day and asked me straight up, “what’s going on?” I reacted with feelings of incredulity (how can you not know?!) and yelled “because I like you!” Till this day, I remember this because lightning cracked and the skies started pissing themselves laughing. I’m not kidding.
  • I once said to my crush at the time, “so I heard you got a boyfriend now”. She looked at the guy next to her and said, “yeah this is him”. Ermahgerd. Where’s the nearest hole I can crawl into?
  • I made the error of breaking up with a girl on campus instead of off campus because I then had to walk back into the lunch hall and catch the death stares from her and all her friends. The breakup was pleasant in comparison to that.
  • Happily arranged a dinner date with a girl that I thought was interested, and then showing up to the place to see her sitting with two male friends. At least one of them was sympathetic. He said to me, “this was meant to be a date, huh?” Thanks for feeling me, my brother.

Yes, some of the women above may read this but I would like to think that they will be able to laugh with me about it. Otherwise, well … this is awkward.