This article about Japanese people who forgo sex and long term relationships struck a chord with me. In the article, the common thread is not that these people do not like sex but they see the relationships that come with it as too much work so they either not have it, or they indulge in short term affairs.
“A boyfriend proposed to me three years ago. I turned him down when I realised I cared more about my job. After that, I lost interest in dating. It became awkward when the question of the future came up.”
Japan’s media, which has a name for every social kink, refers to men like Kishino as “herbivores” or soshoku danshi (literally, “grass-eating men”). Kishino says he doesn’t mind the label because it’s become so commonplace. He defines it as “a heterosexual man for whom relationships and sex are unimportant”.
I can relate to this because although I miss the emotional and physical intimacy, I don’t miss it enough to want to spend any effort to change the status quo. Two friends in different social circles have told me at separate times to give eHarmony a go. “It works, man.” Just to see what the fuss was about, I went and fill out the long-ass questionnaire. I now know why they boast that they can match people so well – they ask about everything. Then I started getting daily matches emailed to me and at this stage, I couldn’t see the photos of my matches because I was still deciding if I want to pay for the privilege.
You see, as I started reading these daily emails and I kid you not, I started to feel tired at the thought of doing a series of dates and having to make small talk at every one of them. Yes, it just felt like too much work to me. Yes, of course if the matches are what eHarmony promises I wouldn’t be making small talk for long. And yes of course I could possibly meet an awesome girl out of the whole exercise. But then I also thought of having to go on dates and possibly not contacting some of the women I would meet ever again and err yeah … I didn’t wanna do that.
It’s not logical I know. But then I thought, why do I have to describe and justify my attitude about all of this? There are people in Japan just like me! It’s too bad that we can’t just put chocolate sprinkles on our ice cream. I don’t know if this feeling in me is short term or will this be it for me. I better get used to eating grass then. And by that, I mean porn. Lots of porn.