Category Archives: Eat Drink Man Woman

Dating and relationships, the single life, men and women, sex and sexuality

Grass-Eating Single Man

October 21, 2013 11:35 PM

A plate of grass

This article about Japanese people who forgo sex and long term relationships struck a chord with me. In the article, the common thread is not that these people do not like sex but they see the relationships that come with it as too much work so they either not have it, or they indulge in short term affairs.

“A boyfriend proposed to me three years ago. I turned him down when I realised I cared more about my job. After that, I lost interest in dating. It became awkward when the question of the future came up.”

Japan’s media, which has a name for every social kink, refers to men like Kishino as “herbivores” or soshoku danshi (literally, “grass-eating men”). Kishino says he doesn’t mind the label because it’s become so commonplace. He defines it as “a heterosexual man for whom relationships and sex are unimportant”.

Why have young people in Japan stopped having sex? | World news | The Observer.

I can relate to this because although I miss the emotional and physical intimacy, I don’t miss it enough to want to spend any effort to change the status quo. Two friends in different social circles have told me at separate times to give eHarmony a go. “It works, man.” Just to see what the fuss was about, I went and fill out the long-ass questionnaire. I now know why they boast that they can match people so well – they ask about everything. Then I started getting daily matches emailed to me and at this stage, I couldn’t see the photos of my matches because I was still deciding if I want to pay for the privilege.

You see, as I started reading these daily emails and I kid you not, I started to feel tired at the thought of doing a series of dates and having to make small talk at every one of them. Yes, it just felt like too much work to me. Yes, of course if the matches are what eHarmony promises I wouldn’t be making small talk for long. And yes of course I could possibly meet an awesome girl out of the whole exercise. But then I also thought of having to go on dates and possibly not contacting some of the women I would meet ever again and err yeah … I didn’t wanna do that.

It’s not logical I know. But then I thought, why do I have to describe and justify my attitude about all of this? There are people in Japan just like me! It’s too bad that we can’t just put chocolate sprinkles on our ice cream. I don’t know if this feeling in me is short term or will this be it for me. I better get used to eating grass then. And by that, I mean porn. Lots of porn. :mrgreen:

Kid with hotel room TV porn

Like oil for water

September 21, 2013 11:29 AM

Sheldon schooling Leonard about rejection
(source: 9gag)

I’ve written a while back about how meaningless throwaway sex is kinda dull. Be it one night stands or paying for it from a prostitute, perfunctory sex can end up making you feel even more empty and lonely than when you were happily minding your own business. I’ve always felt that the best sexual experience comes (yes, pun) with some form of emotional intimacy. In other words, if you know the person well and have a long established connection, the sex will always feel better.

So, sex is enhanced by an emotional connection.

Isn’t it strange then that an emotional connection, like a deep friendship may not necessarily be enhanced by sex? You would think that adding sex to friendship would be like adding chocolate sprinkles to ice cream. But the reality is that most friendships are inevitably ruined by the introduction of sex. Friends-with-benefits situations mostly leads to one person wanting more out of it than the other. And once you’ve seen each other in the buff you can’t really go back to being just friends now, can you?

There are always exceptions to the rule of course. It is possible that you both have an attraction for each other that goes beyond mere friendship, and you’ve just been dancing around it all this time. Or that she/he finally wakes up to the fact that you two are good together as a couple. But don’t let the rom-coms mislead you into thinking that it is the norm. Going into a friendship expecting it to blossom into a sexual relationship is bound to lead to disappointment and heart ache, and plenty of awkwardness.

It is normal to think of your friends of the opposite sex in a sexual way (imagine what LBGT people go through!), but acting on it is fraught with difficulties. So the point is:

“Skip being friends — just date.”


If you still want to push your friendzone into the relationship-zone though, this article is good reading. ๐Ÿ™‚

Can Sex Destroy A Friendship? – AskMen.

Wanting you to say yes and mean it too

July 19, 2013 10:45 PM

Women's logic
(via memecenter)

Hey guys, ever had a conversation like this …

You: Ok yeah whatever you decide, I’m cool with it.
Girl: You don’t want me to do it?
You: I didn’t say that. Whatever makes you happy, I’m ok with it.
Girl: But you don’t really want me to do it, do you?
You: How many times do I have to say it? I’m fine with it. Really.
Girl: No, I want you to WANT ME to do it.
You: What???
Girl: I don’t want you to just say yes for me. I want you to be happy that I’m doing it.
You: Ok, I am happy that you are doing it.
Girl: No, you’re just saying that.
You: Arghghgh …. *curls into a foetal position and whimpers*

I know this about women so I go the opposite way. I say “no” to her.

Me: No.
Her: What do you mean, “no”?
Me: No, I don’t want you to do it.
Her: Why?
Me: I just don’t.
Her: You can’t just say that. There has to be a reason.
Me: Ok ok. There is a reason and it’s because I don’t like it.
Her: Why don’t you like it?
Me: I just don’t.
Her: There has to be a REASON! *glass shatters*
Me: Because I said so?
Her: *foaming at the mouth* Well you know what?! I’m gonna do it. It’s my life. Not even my father says no to me! Who the hell do you think you are?! Saying no to me??? And don’t talk to me for the rest of the day. You really are an asshole sometime, you know that?!?! *storms out of the room*
Me: Finally. *continues playing video game*


Welcome to the Friendzone, Population: You

July 8, 2013 10:31 PM

Before I start off, I know that girls can get friendzoned too but it happens to guys more often than to girls because a lot of guys think that just being nice will get you laid. In that sense, they are not really being nice because there’s an ulterior motive to their niceness. However, let’s just assume that the boy is actually a nice person. But by being nice, more often than not you end up being treated like a friend by the girl. And girls, let’s just assume that you really didn’t know how he felt all this time.

These following words are for you when you find yourself landing in the friendzone.

Ruh-oh, you got friendzoned

How the heck did you end up there? Maybe:

  • You didn’t like her at first but then your feelings for her grew into a confused mushy mess.
  • You were too chicken-shit to tell her from the start and you hung around being all ambiguous, thinking that eventually she will end up liking you without you having to stick your neck out.

And now either indirectly or very obviously, you find out that you are really just a friend to her. Your immediate reaction is to hate her for not knowing how you felt all this time and for not acting in your favour accordingly. That is the wrong reaction because believe it or not, a lot of girls like being able to hang out with a guy without any sexual tension. If you were gay, then this would not be a problem but since you are not, her thinking that there was not any sexual tension when you wanted some will hurt extra bad.

You need to extricate yourself from the comfy arrangement that you were in all this time – the comfy arrangement that ultimately was not going anywhere. You don’t double-down and go for broke on the niceness and the buying of gifts and the showering of money and attention. You need to be away from her. For a while at least, until you stop having the love/hate feelings that you have for her. And while you are away, reflect on the fact that feelings are not always mutual and that is perfectly normal. And also that she doesn’t owe you a shag just for you being nice to her.

At least the tears are good for something
Meanwhile, learn to love yourself again first. Hur hur hur.

Ruh-oh, you friendzoned someone

Oh snap. You realise that he likes you and you didn’t know about it all this time. So awkward you can die. What to do, what to do. You should let him down gently, really you should. You’ve been friends all this time. It’s the right thing to do. And if he still doesn’t get the hint? Be brutal about it.

What you don’t do is to continue to let him be nice to you. You don’t accept his gifts and you don’t let him take you out to nice places, at least not without returning the favour. Even then, it’s best to just not. You don’t be cruel by complaining about your boyfriend or a guy that you like to him – you are basically telling him that him being nice is not good enough because you don’t find him sexually attractive. Or conversely, you’d put up with these other men because you rather be with them than with him.

You might also want to be nice by making yourself scarce and not ask him out or anything, least you lead him on even more. You might want to turn him down for things more than before so that you wean him off of you. And with time, maybe you can remain friends. Although if he cannot handle being friends, do not force the situation. Know that you cannot be friends with every guy that you meet because some guys can’t help but feel more for you and that is perfectly normal.

He's just a friend, LOL
Also, try not to humiliate him ๐Ÿ˜‰

Further reading

Your BFF Is Giving You Fancy Gifts Because He Wants to Bone You, Duh – Jezebel
19 People Getting Friend Zoned into Oblivion – CollegeHumor

How to approach a woman, apparently

June 23, 2013 12:13 PM

I saw the title of this post and it immediately demanded that I clicked on it. And here it is:

Ten things to avoid when hitting on me |

The author of the post says she is a sex and dating coach. Some of her points are valid:

  • Don’t do “the neg“, ie. back-handed compliments.
  • Don’t brag about your money.

But some seem to contradict each other or require a very fine balancing act:

  • “Stop touching my lower back, elbow or shoulders”, but also don’t leave your sexuality at the door either. That is, let her know that your are interested in her without touching her.
  • Be confident and not put yourself down but don’t be cocky.

And she also adds that even you manage to follow all her rules meticulously, you can still get shot down so “Don’t take it personally if I say no”. That’s the thing with human attraction – it’s a highly nebulous and mysterious thing driven by chemicals in your brain. So yeah, there are no real rules. Be yourself, be nice to her, make her laugh without obviously trying too hard and hope that the feeling is mutual. If it is not, then you should move on and don’t force the situation.

However, one thing has stayed true throughout human history and that is if a guy is rich and/or powerful enough he doesn’t even have to be charming or good looking because women will put up with all kinds of shit to be with him.

Ryan Gosling can get any girl he wants
If you are poor though, then looking like Ryan Gosling won’t hurt
(via tumblr)

Overthinking it vs jumping in and screaming all the way down

June 5, 2013 10:23 PM

Overthinking shit

Recently I had advised a friend to not over-analyse something and to just go ahead and do it. Perhaps I was projecting what I want to be myself and I had said to him,

Just do it now and worry about it later. What’s the worst that can happen?

In hindsight that was probably not the best advice. After all, I had nothing to lose so I can afford to be reckless. Sorry buddy! Hahah!

In life, there are two extremes in how you can approach any situation:

  1. Analyse it to death, or
  2. throw caution to the wind and consequences be damned.

In other words, you can over-think it and then end up not doing it or you can jump right in and scream all the way down. In the past I have tended to over-think about everything. I’d project a situation four or five steps into the future like I was a playing a game of chess. But there is a reason why we fear the unknown and want to know as much as we can before we do something – it’s a survival instinct.

Most of us lie somewhere in between, the happy medium. Although sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith and hope that you land softly. Even if you don’t, at least you have a story to tell after, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

I am a lot of things but I’m definitely not like this guy’s friends in this clip. ๐Ÿ˜‰

If this isn’t a date, please say so

May 22, 2013 9:43 PM

Liam Helmsworth doesn't know what rejection is

Read this article which struck a nerve in me because hoo-boy it has happened more than once. ๐Ÿ˜›

We meet for a drink, and youโ€™ve brought along four friends. Which is weird.

If you were going to bring a whole bunch of friends, you shouldโ€™ve mentioned it. If there was no romantic point to any of this, itโ€™s up to you to mention it. If youโ€™re using me for a quick self-esteem boost, well thatโ€™s just not very nice.

“If this wasn’t a date, then what was the point?” |

I’ve had variations of the above happened to me. Some were better than others. I will illustrate using three different instances which will progress in increasing levels of pain. Heheh.

  1. On my very first date, after agonisingly building up the courage to ask her out, she said, “Who else is coming?” I blurted out the name of my best friend then, “Paul”. She said ok, we will meet at the theatre. She turned up with her brother and two of her friends. I sat next to Paul. She sat next to her brother and friends. On different rows. Argh. RAGE.
  2. On my third call and on the verge of giving up, she agreed to dinner. Yay! Then she said, “Can I bring a friend?” What?! Are you serious? Ok, yeah whatever. Going to the date I was feeling half-arsed and totally cbf about it but her friend didn’t show and we had a most pleasant time. My three-call rule got reset and I tried again after that, and flamed out in the process. Argh but meh. You have to be in it to win it right? At least I tried. ๐Ÿ™‚
  3. Talking to her felt easy and effortless so I thought let’s take it to the next level. She readily agreed to dinner but when I turned up she was sitting there with two guy friends. Oh no she didn’t! Hulk SMASH! Well actually, Hulk just sulked and ate his dinner.

It’s never nice when you are being rejected even when it’s being done indirectly, though I guess not every one can dish out a brutal rejection. However, if I’m being unambiguous about asking you out then just be upfront about it. Pour cold water on me by saying that you will bring your friends? That’s ok. Bring your friends along unannounced? That’s not ok. ๐Ÿ˜‰